Friday, May 30, 2008

Lucy: " I knew it was you all along, Aslan!"

Aslan: " Then why didn't you follow me?"

Lucy: " Because the rest... i was afraid to follow you i guess... You mean if i found you, all those people wouldn't have to die?"

Aslan: " What could've happened no one can say for certain, but what we can be certain is what will (now)."

What if i sought and found you, would they be where they are now?

Father... i just want to hope in you and be certain in You. That Your promises are still living in me with your Spirit...

I need You...
Amen

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I walk with God's grace and blessings everyday. (:

Had a wonderful time talking to aunty lee today after a long day of work (: through every single obstacle i've faced, i think she's been a really huge support to me so here's a huge SHOUTOUT to my brudda :P thanks for always putting in an extra dosage of encouragement into this friendship and into my life (: because i know how difficult it is to do it (: Thank you for always also giving indiscriminately a helping hand or an unknowning comforting presence when i needed it the most (:

Just some random thoughts after His many blessings:

Thank You God for being so gracious to me despite my sins an disappointments to you (:

Through the storms yet i will praise you.
through all things i know you've always worked for the best plan for my life.
Although i know its so hard for me to let go of controlling these things,
but really God when you take control i know its in safe hands.

Its so wonderful how you touches the deepest reaches of my soul (:
Because it reaches the innermost wounds and close them up without a trace (:

Thank you...
Cale (:

Friday, May 23, 2008

Love.

Happens to be one of the most important words of my life which i spent a large part of my 19 years trying to find out about. I remember writing a post on love some time back and i just can't help but think of it again.

I had dinner with an old, old friend whom i haven't seen in about a year at least (: but our bond somehow never really changes. I don't know how we talked about things but when we finally reached the topic of love, there was something that God seemingly wanted me to speak about.

What does the world see love as?
What do we as Christ followers see love as?
Do we see it as simply a feeling?
Do we see it as something that comes and goes as it wills?
Do we see it as a tool to attain something from someone "useful"?

Is love practical?

The more i thought of it, the sadder i felt... because i think in this short walk with Christ, i've gained one huge thing from my Father. Love in its rawest form, unconditional, undisputable and unassuming love. Sometimes as Christians we forget the characteristics of God's love. We forget in very essence that He is love. And the world speaks of love as if its trivial, it can be had and lost, given and claimed.

If love is a feeling but contains no perseverence, is that truly love? Because love gives unerringly despite the situation, if not what makes that different from charity? Give until you don't wanna give anymore so you just give up.

it really showed me the power of Jesus' love... as he endured temptations, i'm sure he was tempted to not love people around him... what for? All they wanted to do was to kill Him. But instead He felt an even greater burden for them, for a people who couldn't love with an unconditional resilience. So much that He chose with His mind and heart to go to the cross for us. (:

Thank you Jesus (:

I really want to learn to love as you did not for various reasons but simply because people need this love. Heh tho its definitely not easy but i'm still learning and still a work in progress (:

Cale (:

Thursday, May 22, 2008

mmm well i guess its times to recap on my very first uni camp and my very first camp in the NS ministry (:

We had our camp on st john's island(too bad i don't own a camera ><) but it was a really different experience where you don't:
1. enjoy praise and worship in the extremely comfortable air conditioned hall that you experience in youth camps
2. don't have like hundreds of youths squashed together
3. have rooms and beds to own the hostels

but what we did have (: :
1. an island which really showed me what the Artist can make with His almighty hands (:
2. a breath of fresh air and a quiet retreat with God where all we had were these few hundred young people sat down to worship God despite all things!
3. company that was to die for (: Every single one of you made my day everyday in camp!
4. The incredible changing power of God which reached deep into my heart and struck the chords of my soul
5. Going through terkan-ing sessions which reminded me oh-so-fondly of our other "favourite "island ( any guesses since it starts with a big T and ends with a G)
6. wonderful hospitable camp comm! (:
7. a renewed spirit
8. a grateful heart.

I guess it would be a huge lie to say that there was flashbacks of youth camps and how there's that inexplicable and irresistable urge to compare, but i realised one thing that it doesn't matter where you are, all it matters is where God is and where your heart is. Camp was amazing! Although there were no declarations of hitting numbers in goals, the huge roaring fire of souls but instead there was that peace in the spirit where you could hear the Holy spirit creeping and flooding hearts.

The second night was rather interesting with our first activity re-enacting the time when Jesus was captured. It was actually pretty intimidating to be questioned, forced to do physical exercises (that were for one not easy at all after a while having to do frog jumps around the bball court and push ups like close to perpetually every station), but somehow i think we infuriated the game masters quite a bit because our bunch of NS guys took it as simply an activity at first before getting pretty much blasted it. But in the spirit of it all, it really felt good doing all those exercises together, and i can understand the spirit and enthusiasm that we showed to do more exercises because it sorta reminded us how it was in BMT. It was so close to being exactly like it :P But there were lessons to be learnt and it really made me think if it was easy to be a disciple at all. I really wonder how the apostles survived... in that oppressive environment... thank God that Jesus rose again and He saved us (:

But i think the ultimate highlight would be the very last night, where we had worship which really reached deep down into my soul. God healed me that night as he urged me to respond to that call. He took away all the hurts, all the troubles, the blame and sin that i didn't know i carried and renewed my spirit utterly. As the leaders were praying for the people who responded, two leaders came to pray for me and God really moved through them with a message that i really sought, and it gave me a renewed direction and showed me how to really lay down everything to God (: After that was a heart warming holy communion which was something that i never really experienced before (: As we all went around exchanging cups as we spoke to our brothers and sisters whom we had something to say, to thanks, affirm, encourage or to apologise to. For me, i think there was a lot of exchanges which i really treasured (: and i was encouraged by this family of Christ! And i think God helped me clear the air a little more as well as to let me truly have a peace in my heart.

One sentence that i kept hearing from the people of a certain group which i treasure: " I'll see you at the end of the race." (:

Haha simply hearing that made me smile. (:
Because there's really nothing like running till the end beside this dear family of mine.

I pray that God has touched the hearts of all those who were there (:
And i thank God that He has shown me wonderful things in this camp as well as filling me up with an extra dosage of his spirit.(:

Its time to go again (:

Friday, May 09, 2008

choir concert last night was really good (:! haha i just wanna post a big JIAYOU to shaun, seokh and junyao (: one more performance to go and you guys are doing great!! (: hehh your fruits of labour will definitely be reaped! i'm praying for you all!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
when i think of you all, i just never thought that it'd come to this.
faithfulness is not simple.
when your working all alone, its even harder to be faithful because there's no one to watch your back when you fall.
but that's what we think.

the truth is God constantly watches our back and when we persist in doing His work, nothing will be in vain.
circumstances may come, but sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that He made them for us to overcome them (:

letting go is hard.
but God let me learn to really let you wholly take the wheel.

and i pray for all of you... that you'll notice how much we need you to start being yourselves again and stop looking at the circumstances.

one thing i've learnt:
if you don't have it, create it.
He's always behind us in that (:

Thank you God for everything (:

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Its true.

serving is not = doing.

maybe today is a time to stop staggering in a dry and weary land.

time to stop feeling endlessly tired.

time to stop groaning and whining.

maybe God put all these in my life to remind me that
with my own strength, i'm no less than nothing.

time to pick myself up and trust in the rain.

Like a certain blog i've read today.
maybe God created the bad so that we can rejoice in the good.
similarly, i have my own maybe.
maybe God puts me through all this, to make me stronger.

everyday i live with no extra thought and with supposedly no extra time to think.
all of it is made up of
the rustling of papers
the ringing of the telephone
the click of the keyboard
the rush of orders

but what i really need to live with is fresh bread everyday.
not stale bread left on the tray
fresh bread coming from a little blue book
the little blue book lives, speaks, nourishes and breathes life into many things
thats why maybe jonathan ought to wake himself up again
so that God can call on Cale again.
Let the rush of life fade away,
but let the calling of God call you day by day.

i'm going to start with the basics again. and strengthen it.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

What is my self worth based upon?

Today i learnt that people saw my self worth through my grades. Some very unthoughtful comments coming from places i never thought they would come from. It doesn't help my current situation...

But this is what i've been thinking about. Am i really worth ONLY as much as my grades? Just a couple of As means your the best student in the world. But if your not a straight A student, your a piece of trash?

I don't think so.
Even if the world thinks that, i know my God doesn't.

He looks not at man's wisdom or actions but of a man's heart.

I can't let these things affect my emotions or my confidence, tho i can't stay ignorant of it.
I have to learn to a be a salt and light, which means a higher discipline level, an indomitable fighting spirit and a determination to always put in my best into studies, ministry and activities, which has been so daunting for me for the past 6 years of school.
But i will overcome it with my God who can do all things through me (:

With His strength, i want to do my utmost. My future is in His hands and my self-worth is priceless to Him.
I am humbled yet determined to shine.

because I want to lift Your name up high.
And show the cynical out there that You are real in my life as you are in theirs.
Help me GOd and touch my life (:

Amen.