Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.

So I say, "My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD."

I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

- Lamentations 3:19-29

In the middle of trouble, persecution and half the world after his life, Jeremiah was tired. He just wanted to give up and seriously forget about the world. But within the whole book of Lamentations, the speck of light shone from this verse.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

Because of the Lord's great love am I not consumed. Every morning i awake to love unfailing, love which is kind and patient, love which does not envy, hate or jealous, love that is persevering, always protecting, always trusting and always close to my heart. Its easy to forget the good things when your caught up in a pinch, when you can't seem to relieve yourself of the burden of the oncoming A's. But in the middle of the night, when frustration and weariness overtook me, this verse gave me hope. It reminded me of the simplicity of God's love and warmth, despite it all, He will see me through. When i doubt myself, He does not doubt me, but holds me fast against the oncoming trouble.

the Lord is good to all those who hold faith in Him.

my hope will stay alive.
Even in the midst of unpreparedness.
In the midst of the crazy mugging and lack of sleep.
I just want to stand on my feet, with His footprints before me leading the way.
I just need to keep...
Simple faith.

Jiayou to everyone taking A's, Its one month to liberation :)

Jesus loves you :)
<3 Cale

Friday, October 26, 2007

A day cycle :)

Wake up-> Use comp -> mug->mug->mug-> Eat-> Mug-> eat-> PLAY BBALL!-> Mug :D

Days are getting pretty simple :) But i love the feeling of playing bball with a group of friends who you may not really know but you slowly come to know :) Its especially fun when everyone's less than competitive but just enjoying the run, the ball flying through the air, trying to erm... gai4 wayne( which is close to futile :P unless you have 4 people surrounding him :P), just feel the rush of adrenaline and forgetting about the upcoming A's for the moment :) thank You.

Wanna thank God for a great sheep and a great study partner in the form of my iPod :) with him (yes its a him!) its less lonely, more enjoyable, less distractive and purely focused mugging ahead and i wanna thank God also for the great spot on the rooftop today :P

Guobin, you are the a damn lucky guy with such great jnrs :P

its the last 5 days but everyone's hanging in there doing their best.
God just do the rest :P

Love you lots :)
Jesus loves you <3
cale

Thursday, October 25, 2007

What if by Nichole nordeman
What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true

What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

*But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold

'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong

What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if it's love

What if there's a love out there that you haven't seen or heard, a love that's unrivalled, a love that calls to the soul, touches your mind and gives you hope? Won't you give it a chance?

I know i didn't regret it :)

I want to thank God for giving me time to spend with Him by taking the wrong bus out of three buses where the other 2 could've brought me to school. Although it was frustrating at first, but after that i felt really refreshed.

I wanna thank God that although i ended up late by accident, He made things work out coz someone took up my slot :)

I wanna thank God for a wonderful econs and math teacher :)

I wanna thank God for my studying partners today :)

I wanna thank God for loving me today and letting me read about what i've wanted to learn (not mug!) :P

I wanna thank God for giving me wonderful parents :)

I wanna thank God for blessing me with his prescence when things were getting tiring :)

I wanna thank God for wonderful classmates who picked me up on the way for lunch :)

I wanna thank God for working through kenny to remember where my notebook was :)

You can see i want to thank God for so many things. It doesn't stop here. There's so much more to go but i realise that everyday is blessed when you see past the difficulties and pains. Even when its lonely, when you look up, you feel a light solace in your heart. To trudge on is definitely a pain, to stumble and tire is a pain, but i stand firm that in the end, something good will happen :)

Studying has become a routine and we seem to just look forward to completing more each day. I'm not sure where i'm going. But i'm searching for my goal. I'm searching for my burden. But in my heart, i know that i want to hold one mission constant.

Let run the race and finish it.
Good and faithful servant.
jesus loves you,
<3 Cale

Sunday, October 21, 2007

The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever.
- Isaiah 40:8

Love is unfathomable.
It is unconditional.
It does not choose.
It does not judge.
It accepts.
It seeks to care.
It pulses to change lives.
It is our battery.
And it never fails.

Jesus loves you :)
<3 cale

Thursday, October 18, 2007

One thing today made me smile.
No it wasn't results.
No it wasn't a productive day of mugging.
No it wasn't because somebody did something special.

It was something so ridiculous that people would laugh at it.
It was something to small that people didn't bother or didn't have time to do it.
It was simple.
No frills.
Pure sincerity.


And guess what?
It happened just 5 minutes ago.
Out of the blue.
All in Your hands.

Thank You and thank you.
Jesus loves you.
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Went for a run today and found out that i was not unfit, i was a pig x.x Gah all the snacking is taking a toll, should run more often. The run was refreshing, just mindless and carefree, away from mugging and the blurness of life now.

When i run i find my head a blank which makes it comfortable, even when i try to think, its like things don't connect, and i get distracted from just running, scrambles the breathing and makes me distracted from keeping my pace.

The race of life is the same isn't it? If we just focus on one thing that we really treasure, we keep running. I'm not talking about running to a goal but simply running, to feel the wind blow by, to feel the rhythm that the body takes, the strain on your muscles and the unyielding call of your mind to give up. When you stop, the lack of air and burning lungs just come as a unique pain which saps your will away from continue running the race.

Everything in life is a choice and the determination in that choice.
God, help me make the best one. :)
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I realise that i've been more muddleheaded that i already am these days. I asked 3 different people what day it was today. And i mixed up my tuition days. I really need to sort things out x.x

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

This is the 300th post...:)

Sometimes you just wonder if things could be solved if both parties could simply come together to be truthful to one another. If things could just be thrashed out with a brutal honesty, perhaps a lot of hurt could be saved in the world.

But we're all fearful. Fearing to lose what we've built up, fearing to lose the status quo, fearing and fearing. Everytime a word leaves the mouth, it is a responsibility that is applied to your character. The world doesn't let up. People don't let up.

Imperfection. Sometimes we forget of all the imperfections that we have and think we are king of the world, especially when we're distracted from what we're to achieve, esp when we think that we're better. But on this earth is there, "better", "smarter" or "cleverer"? Everyone is made with their own perfections and imperfections. Fools are made through pride.

Unfortunately, i'm quite a lost fool so many times in life.
But i'm glad that i have a chance to see it.
And i have a chance to change it.
And i hope i have people behind me to change it.
Most importantly, i have my God to hold me and love me through it.

I've noticed one thing these past few days,
that there's nothing more heart warming that a person telling you simply that...
Jesus loves you.
<3 Cale

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Recently, i've been hearing the phrase, " A's don't mean much to me." or somewhere along that line.

After some much needed thought ( while studying :)), I've come to a conclusion.

A's do mean something to me.
I want to honour God through them.
I want to show that in Him, and in His grace, he has brought me through :)
Even though, yes its true that God accepts our best efforts and whatever grades we get,
but shouldn't we be the ones aiming?

God, i want to honour you with my studies.
I want to give you my very best.
I definitely want to do well for A's :)
I don't want to regret.
I want to focus on you in this period.
No matter what has happened so far,
You are my saviour, redeemer and my Father who ruffles my hair when i'm feeling lonely :)

Just want to love you till i am bogay and botak :)
No place but in your prescence :)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Grad day came and went, time flies and blurs as our post prelims are speedily speeding away like road runner on steroids. Just a mere 18 days to the Awful A's but the bonus of it all is looking at the freedom at the end of the road.

Grad day was nostalgic and inevitably filled with a twinge of the sorrow of parting. But in a sense we haven't parted so the atmosphere was somehow lighter. Watching the class video brought back memories. How we fought to stay together, the various divides and the eventual unity, FOS which yielded a self made medal :P and a new spirit to stay strong together, saying goodbye to a dear friend, simply standing by each other as we go through tough times. 06A13 its been a good two years :). Feelings go beyond words at times. And this is one of those moments.
We had our differences. We had our oddities. But we're a class of 07 of Ares of A13.

I know You placed me here for a reason or reasons. Some are obvious, others are not so. But eventually, you turned my life around by placing these wonderful people around me :)

I tend to forget my basics very easily. Mary more so than Martha. God first loved for us to love, a simple fact which we often forget. To learn to love another for who he and she truly is, can we truly do it? On a level its difficult to take the step to say you want to do it. On another level its even harder to love because your won human adversion is in place. I'm not the best person to love. I let down people, i fail, i fall, i succumb to thoughts and emotions, its all true. But yet against all hope, i know that i have hope in God :P, sound familiar? Faith is not simply knowing God and trusting in God when you are going through good and bad times. I learnt that faith is also the confidence in God and your heart for Him. The tests that come your way may seem unexplainable or too difficult to overcome, so much so that self doubt and various emotions cover up your heart, but eventually and always eventually, you see past it. Sometimes you may not drop it, but you come to accept and see the fruits of your labour. Its always easier to talk and not do, but its a few levels more difficult without identifying a problem.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

- I corinthins 13.

Love is not self-seeking. It is not about me but about you or someone else. Love never expects something in return, not even when you've given every fibre of your being into doing something out of love. I admit that it is crazily difficult to resist the thoughts going through your head because you automatically expect someone to sacrifice a little for you as well, but when it doesn't come you are left hanging. Love is not self-seeking, how far can I go?

have you topped up your love bank today?
for i may gain the treasures of the world or wisdom to destroy or create, But without the capacity for love, we gain nothing.

Too many excuses, too many expectations, too easily affected, too enraptured in the wrong things. But every flaw makes me human. Every flaw gives me a chance to walk a new path with my Saviour :)

To lead the weak you must become weak. What does it mean to you?

Monday, October 08, 2007

I draw nearer to you my God,
with boldness i approach your throne.
Where grace like a river flows.
I bring praises to you my God,
Sufficient one my more than enough,
more Lord,
I ask for more lord,
just more of You.

Peter constantly asked for more.
He was the only one in the boat who said, " Lord, if you will, may i walk on water with you?"
he was the one who was the first one to scream, " Me Me!"
But he was that very same one who denied Jesus thrice when He died on the cross.
He regretted.
He was guilty.
He was tortured by his conscience.
What could he do?
Live on in His name and seek more of Him.
He never gave up.
Neither did God.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Sometimes when you doubt and you wonder, why not just look back?

I just slept 10 and a half hours.

Its saturday!

help me and touch me today

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Joy is simple and a little warm spark.
They say every cloud has a silver lining.
But if you have joy, forget the cloud coz your staring at the sun.

" Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."
- Nehemiah 8:10b

The joy of the Lord is your strength.
Not the complaints, not all the "why me"s, not the whining,
but the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Picking up the simple joys of solving a maths question( LOL i haven't reached that state yet but on my way), walking to the bus stop and enjoying a bit of the breeze, and just savouring time away from mugging.
Those are some of my little joys now.
My complaints are dragging out and i think i should start leaving them behind before they come back to haunt me.

I'm really quite excited for caregroup next week :)

Jiayou all the J2s reading this and stay joyful.
Because the joy of the Lord is your strength :)

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Nausea what a horrible feeling x.x

I realised that i haven't slept properly in the past few days because...
1. I fall asleep while doing homework
2. i fall asleep while playing the guitar
3. Your time table reads you have lessons from 11-5
4. Your brain and crunching in OA +AP = OP but your projection vector is (5,3,2) and you are crossing your next step, even when your on the bus home.
5. You crash while solving it on the bus.
6. you wake up exhausted, reach home and crash again.
7. you wake up bathe then feel like your head is about to burst.

The Awful A's are coming but i must say studying well, probably isn't the worst part of it :P
It probably rather satisfying once in a while. :) I need to run. Like soon. Like maybe tmr. Like I NEED IT :)

Got my best grades in HC so far. BCDSU. must say it doesn't look fantastic but it'll work out, at least i hope. 4A's are a luxury indeed. Hope i get to somewhere decent :)

I wrote down all my promises today! I hope your there watching them!!!! I'm quite excited but at the same time worried about them. Oh wells, i'm looking forward to the journey :)

And i'll stand,
with arms high and heart abandoned

Monday, October 01, 2007

8-5. Some crazy day.

Geog results were surprisingly a lot better than expected. But looking at the cohort i've got tons to do.

There's just too much to do nowadays, everyone's just mugging and mugging and mugging. I guess time's a little dilated to me at times, that before you know it night is here. But i just found a little bit of freedom conking out on the bus, just thinking.

It really feels comfortable, just peacefully telling someone something without having to worry about anything.

Its easy to notice a lot of things in people around us. Its even easier to keep pointing them out or declaring it to the whole world. But its a lot harder to go headlong in to change it. Ironically, the hard way is the only way that matters in changing it.

Distracted. Disturbed sleep. Hope it'll end soon!

poke poke. Thanks heavenly Daddy :)