Thursday, September 27, 2007

2 down, 2 to go.

I'm ashamed of myself for letting go.

Only got to look forward.
Only gotta look forward.
Only gotta look forward.
Only gotta look forward.

Let the rain come and the rainbow shine tmr.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I am a Peter.

Monday, September 24, 2007

If you can't feed many, feed one.
- Mother Theresa

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The absence of everything.
The toil for nothing.
Time to make up something for nothing. X)

I still remember the time i tore a page in a book and when my aunt asked who did it, i didn't own up but shut up. That was quite a few years ago :P

But similar to human nature, maybe as a defensive mechanism, we're always first to deny what we've done despite the nagging guilt in our heart. Taking responsibility, that heavy mantle in exchange of the " not my problem"s, the "it could be him what"s, the "its all their fault"s. But what was said today is true. He who takes responsibility is always one step closer to success, one step away from continued lying, one step away from feeling the dark, heavy covering of guilt. Yet it is so difficult for many of us to simply step out and say, " Sorry i did it. Its my fault." Instead we try to find reasons for our mistakes. I no doubt am as human, maybe more human like everyone else.
Doesn't that challenge ring out to you?

I felt the challenge landing squarely on my shoulders today, for more reasons than responsibility. For the reason of a voice which gave me a message of what was to come and me seeing it come to pass, well, it doesn't shock me but the essence of the message sobered me. We cannot live for the moment everyday of our lives. One day we've gotta decide that yeah its time to do something with this life. The words ring in my mind. Although honestly it scares me, but i know what i want to do about it. Thank God for planting the first question squarely in my mind for days. Who am I? :) Well its an interesting question with an interesting answer :)

I feel accomplished to some extent covering a math prelim paper today!!! HAHA never thought mugging could feel this good without a test looming up. In a sense, mugging gives me time to think alone too. Its odd that i take long periods of time to think rather than do it in small slots a day. I just think its a quirk of mine :)

Friendship & trust.
Where do your barriers and links lie?

I think i may have found something that i've been looking for.
Maybe some part of it.
But its quite beautiful :)

Live everyday a joy.

Friday, September 21, 2007

- 1 John 3:9
" No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in him; he cannot go on sinning, because he has been born of God"

We are always able, although sometimes or rather most of the time we fail because of our inadequacy. But it is this verse which gives the ultimate encouragement. Even if we fail in pride, anger,sin,malice, lust, envy or greed, if we have the heart to change and we hope in Him, we are still able if we focus and put our hope there.

It touched me greatly today for reasons abounding, the mistakes i've made as a person and still am making :P are of multitudes. But i take comfort that someday i'll be able to overcome if i have the will to. It all lies to my own will. Oh boy.... hahahha its gonna be a tough challenge :)

Its been proven that it works all the time.
When you are down and out, there is only one thing playing in your head as the base chord.
" I trust in the Lord."

Spent most of my day walking around, sitting down and singing by myself, looking awfully antisocial but i'm sorry i just needed a lot of time by myself. Post-prelims for many may feel like a release, but for a reason not known, i felt like something sunk within me. But as always, the Solution to life works and will always work that i have faith :)

You know the random times when a melody pops into your head and you just can't help by humming and singing along? :) I love that feeling. That's why i sing out aloud and annoy everyone with my awful voice :P But i just love singing, when your voice and ringing out esp in praise, its just you, the music and the one your singing to. The feeling is just totally peaceful, i don't know why but its my silent solace. So now you know that i'm a bathroom singer :P well not so much in the bathroom.

i swear Jiexun's guitar bag weighs more than the guitar! :P

Jiayou J1s for promos!! I sorta miss promos come to think of it :P

CG was great :)
God is even greater.
When all else fails, dun call mastercard :P

Thursday, September 20, 2007

After continuously forcing myself to sleep for around 9 hours, i woke up feeling a little bit better ( with no less help from a lil someone who i talked to in the depths of the night :)).

When a tidal wave hits you what do you do?
You stand against it and feel the agony or get swept away and lose everything that you've received so far.

I'd rather feel the pain.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Emotions are flimsy things.
One moment they are up, one moment they are down.
But yet they are powerful things.
One moment your smiling, the next your nearly taking apart someone limb for limb.

Knock, knock. Who is in charge you or your emotions?

Nah, my boss is someone else.

Somehow these few days, i've become more desensitised than ever. Its not simply about anything, just desensitised to whatever i'm trying to do. The feeling is weird.

But all i can do is trudge on and say

I will trust in You

Because i know it works everytime no matter whether i understand it or not,
you walk where i have never gone before.
And i eagerly anticipate the next step you leave behind for me.
Hold out for me and never let me go,
I will be there right behind you :)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Brings a smile to my face.

Who hears my cry?
Who hears my pain?
Who hears my childish grumbles of disdain?
He who hears is the one who sees my heart more than the things i do.
Which is why i simply just want to thank You.
ESPECIALLY for every single one of them.

A little calm and peace...

The beginning of faith is the end of fear. The beginning of fear is the end of faith. - Anonymous

I've found my answer.

Monday, September 17, 2007

1. Fear. What does it mean to you?
It comes in so many forms and grips you in ways conscious and unconscious.
It affects the way you act, the things you say and the way you live your life.
No one is truly free of fear.
But everyone has a weapon to combat fear.

2. Wisdom is not spoken but heard.
Often it is not the mouth which gives wisdom,
but it is how much you listen that determines wisdom.

3. Consistency is the persistence of following one set of values or rules.
Often easily spoken, never easily done.
I know who i want to follow. Do you?

Now you know how i've been spending those times in between ploughing through notes and stoning. It really isn't the time but as i do those walks home with God, i unconsciously ask myself questions which i often cannot answer. But its not a bad thing, because i think it comforts me that i am aware of those things that i cannot do. All the more i rely on His plans because i clearly know that i'm not good, i'm not owning, i'm not superman, i'm just me not someone else. Haha sounds so philosophical but its really just a small lil epiphanic realization that i've managed to come to through all the days of just quietly thinking.

I didn't regret one bit for losing out on revision for Geog to go for JUMP today. I wish all the historians and physicists good luck for tmr!!! :) But it ended up with Me, Leon and Melvin going all the way to Redhill for the praise concert which concluded two days of seminar which of course we couldn't attend :P

I think the greatest thing i noticed of the visiting Thai worship team was their irrevocable joy and true blue energy in simply praising and putting their heart into it. The long awkward lyrics at times didn't matter. Their limited proficiency in english didn't impair them either. The most powerful thing was that they continued spurring people on with them that yielded smiles on our faces. They were charismatic and nonetheless impressive and there's so much so much to learn from their attitude to worship leading. :) Truly kudos to them.

I enjoyed myself simply placing myself in the middle of the atmosphere of peace and a sort of comfort with the air buzzing with excitement at times, pensieve at others. It gave me time to truly immerse myself in something different than what i've been going through. I really needed it, to recharge and find myself again in it all and i'd say that i've gotten back part of something i've been looking for.

Just singing with all my heart. Hearing the words come from my mouth. Stopping. Hearing the mass of voices which join in unison. The words. Who knew that when a crowd sang, it doesn't really matter whether you sing well or not, it sounds beautiful because it is like a wave moving together. A united voice, united in one body.

I've fallen again, help me find my step again.

I miss A13.

Can't wait for prelims to end.

Just waiting on You :)

Thursday, September 13, 2007

I will trust in You

When the days are blue,
I look to you and you are always with me.
Even when they say i'm through,
I will trust in You.

When I'm jaded and dry,
your love is always in my heart,
In the many storms in my life,
God, I'll sing my praise to you
( I'll sing my praise to you)

Chorus
Lord, I'll trust in you
all the days of my life,
from the depths of my soul.
Putting all my faith in you,
Praise you through the storms,
I will trust in You

Bridge
I remember the times you weren't with me,
The times i fell all alone.
But you came to be here with me,
to save me
and set me free
( So I'll sing....)

Lord, I'll trust in You,
all the days of my life,
From the depths of my soul.
Putting all my faith in You,
Praise you through the storms
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
I will trust in
You. :)

What is youth to you? Does age make you jaded?

But if only the rain would fall,
and the sky we have not seen so long
come blue again.

The regrets of age, poignant and shimmering. Resonance of poems, lit paper wasn't so bad... at least it gave me some thought.

I will trust in You. All the days of my life and maybe i won't ask for the sky to come blue again coz it shimmers more and more everyday with your love and the work of your hand.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Sometimes we're so caught up in everything going on that we miss out.

Once i was a rebel against all things, believing in pure, unformed and self defined freedom.
But now, i am the rebel to the world, with the peace in my heart and a simple comfort which guides my way.

In all things, there will be the conclusive joy that is not elusive as what most people think.
I'm never doubting that. :)

Metamorphosis. One year later.

Heard a message that could not be ignored. In fact maybe more than one message. I'm joyful, fearful, yet certain at the same time. The words spoken felt heavy but promising and i'm looking to it.

I read something today. I think its probably applicable to me. And the worst part is its something that i don't want the most.

Words are a powerful weapon to make or break.

But all these words today mattered.
I wonder if i made too many mistakes to salvage anything.
I wonder if i've said too much.
But the thing is that i can never turn back time.
The good thing is i know that God never gives up on me :)

I'm sorry.

Monday, September 03, 2007

I just can't help but notice my fuse getting shorter each day. Tolerance waning. Its really time for me to have a revival...

Everyday is a blur, in a total flux as i see people getting stressed and stretched to the limit. Studying in school till unearthly hours, with stacks and stacks of paper. Weary faces and people sleeping while studying (including me). Sometimes i think the whole world is really a bit off tangent.

Anger is an easy thing to ignite, a difficult thing to calm.

Just a simple thought. Does my life revolve around getting approval from others?

Sieving through the encouragement letters that were given was a great encouragement and heartwarming and your renewed prescence definitely gives me a new direction and a new strength. I'm counting on you :)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

The things that remind me that i'm not alone and i'm still sane.
It finally happened today when i needed it the most.... thank You for a lot of things, for this when i needed you the most.

Eugene, thanks for really just being a buddy through all the years. Keep growing :)

Junyao, thanks for really being a joy to teach and a great blessing to me. :)

These two sheeps have really been a blessing in so many ways which have twisted my life in different dimensions in ways i cannot imagine :)
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The most inexplicable thing happened.
Life changing moments.
I felt an extraordinary burden for kids today for some reason.
Those that were less fortunate, yet joyful for they rejoiced with what little they had but still they had little to nothing at times.
What do we have?
We have everything, food, lodging, money... but sometimes the thing we lack is simple joy.

We always see what we can take, seeing less of what we can't take and rarely thinking of what we can give.
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Ever had those moments when you heard somethings that you can relate to so much, that you can't help but to nod but yet feel squirmish inside? I've felt it plenty recently and i think i've got a lot of things to be responsible for and i need to change and change. But i feel so glad that i'm not the only one, walking that path, that i'm always with three other people by my side giving me my directions :)

These few days, we've been going through the story of Daniel and i can't help but question.
How trustworthy have i been?
How responsible have I been?
Like Ps shirley said today, if your not doing well somewhere, its probably messy. Yeah its true, it is messy. The first thing i asked myself was how do i clean up? But i'm glad, i got the message. :)


This post has been another random post. But its been thought provoking for me.