Saturday, June 30, 2007

Beyond Measure by Jeremy Camp

The fog has finally cleared to see,
The beautiful life you’ve given me
To feel the breeze of my newborn’s gentle breath
With one to walk hand in hand,
To share this life that you have planned
It’s like a storybook with dreams
That are meant to see every next step is an extraordinary scene

[CHORUS]
I know that I’ve been,
Given more than beyond measure,
I come alive when,
I see beyond my fears
I know that I’ve been given more than earthly treasure,
I come alive when
I’ve broken down and given you control

I’ve faced a great tragedy,
But have seen the works of what you bring
A display of faith that you give,
I don’t know if I will ever understand
The depth of what it is you’ve done inside,
But I know that I will won’t find any worth apart from you

Everything that I have
Has been given so unselfishly
And shown that even when I don’t deserve
You always show the fullness of your love

A song which has never failed to encourage me in my crazy mugging for blocks and the times i felt so horrible inside. To just know that i have been given way more than anything else. More than Beyond Measure.

Received so much, given so little. The resonation in my heart today, I thank you for making me assuredly yours :) . Not about what you've done, not about who you are but simply because He loves me :)

Thursday, June 28, 2007

I can't describe how i'm feeling now.
Its unique x.x

Its 10:20. I've yet to plow through the thick WAD of lit notes.
Exam is tmr.
I realised that i've lost my text.
Thank God, i have a printed one plus all my notes but still no text in sight.
One day before exams.

There's no worry just simply a blank space, think my reactions are weird.

Totally _____ because i can't go for CG because of _____, seriously, exams aren't even over... But time is running out. Its just a burden sometimes. The dilemmas.

“The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”

This line particularly stood out during QT ytd. Just a snippet. It tells a lot of what's going on right now all around us. I just felt thoughtful when i read it.

Going back to Stupidly Toot Colleridge.
I think he has at least a dozen versions of those names now.
Wonderful :)

Please Hold me close and never let me go. Till all eternity.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Tomorrow is going to be the toughest day of the exams. Geog and econs.

I've always been strong-minded about the way i think and always been stubborn on the things i believe. I've always argued points that i believed in indignantly, but the truth is i'm not always right. The streak of stubbornness never goes away, although its bad for somethings, its good for others. Just like i'll want this stubbornness to never let go of you.

Just forgive me for my impulsiveness and stubbornness at times.

Why now? I'm burning to ask. But i shall trust in that plan of Yours because it hasn't failed me yet.

Is the world a better place without religion?
No matter how you want to argue it in tangible terms, you'll always miss out something. You see the conflicts. You see persecution. But what you'll never "see" unless you are there, is the things which keep people believing and believing and never ever stop hoping. After all, faith is being certain of what we do not see. If we're believing in the intangible, of course we gain intangibly. Love for example is one of those things. Trust. Honesty. Security. Friends. All these more invaluable than all the gold, silver and money.
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I remember Pastor Shirley saying on Saturday.
" Its the small things that count."
Today, I've tangibly felt it. The small things aren't very small.
Like the mustard seed small things don't stay small.
Small deeds aren't very small either.

Although it may be a flawed use of the parable, but thank YOU for going the extra mile to think about what i'm going through. Always assuring. Thank God for working through you and putting you in my life.

Thank YOU up there for always being in my life, putting all these wonderful people around me, giving me hope when i'm down, strength when i am weak. For you carried me when i fell.

When i was flipping thru my phone today, I noticed one thing. The people who are behind me despite their own worries, schedules, tests and all are people who share one common thing with me. Or rather we know someone in common. No matter where or when, a simple "jiayou" can make a world of difference.

The surprises that i've seen in this period of time have changed some perspectives of mine. Jon, you've got lots to change.

Jiayou everyone for blocks!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Life was never a bed of roses. Friendships are like that as well.

We choose to notice who we want to notice, just like a child who wants a toy, but never realises how much it took for it to be given to him. We focus on people who we want to care about very often, but forget about those who have silently held our backs. Giving us silent encouragement, all the while listening, being there when you need them, but never asking for anything in return. So very often we don't see them as much as we see those we want to establish friendships with.

Shouldn't we sit up and notice?

[Love] is not self-seeking.

It gives and never expects anything in return. It silently pours out but is never emptied into. The times when we go through friendships which we've poured into but are only met by betrayals, rejection, misunderstandings, this is not misfortune. It has nothing to do with misfortune. It is natural because we are human and God made it so as well. No matter how we feel horrible at being rejected, we keep caring for these friends, because Love does not seek to be acknowledged, love gives because it wants to.

Of course it is only human to be dissatisfied. To be disappointed. To feel it in your heart that someone didn't appreciate what has been done, but still love goes on because...

[Love] always perseveres and
Love never fails.

Sometimes exams are one of those difficult times and you see different people around you. People whom you once knew, and will be who you know after the exams again. But will you look at them in the same light?

But then there's the converse.
A big thank you to 4 people who have been behind me in this time.

Weiwen:)-- Thank you for being so encouraging although i keep asking you so many questions!! :P Thank you for going the extra mile to give me a little push although we haven't known each other for very long! I really really treasure the things you've done in this period of time! Thank you very much.

Fellow shep :)-- Thank you for showing concern esp for this wk. Its been mad and thank you for giving prayer support :) Jiayou for your studies :)

Eunice :)-- Thank you for being the person who is constantly accessible :) HAHA! Thank you for the encouragements, being someone i can put my trust in, for being so easy to talk to and for being a great sister and labourer in Christ! Really thank you for not only being a listener but a true blue friend! Jiayou for BLOCKS! Ttys :)

Shep:)-- Thank you for the assurance and the concern and all the encouragement! :) I think the assurances that you've given me have definitely calmed me down a bit :). There's much to do and Jiayou for blocks!! :)

Yep! And now although my studying is way way way way way from complete, i shall sleep in preparation for GP!

In You i place my trust,
For i know that i have received blessing Beyond my Measure

Friday, June 22, 2007

Last camp.

All the sweat, blood, tears, throws, bruises, cuts and various other aches and pains put into every, single camp. Ended in these 3 days. Every camp was dreaded undoubtedly by every single one of my teammates but somehow we pulled through! :) The J2s Carl, Thomas, Jit, Velden, Wp, Ter, Yk, its been great training with them. Even when the times were tough, somehow all the aches and pains vanished in everything we expect after training :P All the crap we talked after training, and laughing at all sorts of stupid and random things. Constantly discussing about our mentality of looking forward to the next meal, or the next break, or fantansizing of manually making the clock turn faster so that it would all come to an end.

6 years.

And now Nationals is barely 2 weeks away. The last nationals i'll ever fight in. Its been a crazily bumpy journey. From being unable to eat meals from fear of puking during training, going half an hour early to not fear the crazy sessions, to just simply training my heart out to a single goal. All the complaining which i do a lot i admit, all the pain, all the dread, all the happiness at the end, the satisfaction of completion, the crazy euphoria of breaking another limit, the aches and pains of a weary body, the drain of the mind at every bout, the sacrifice of the holidays, family time, time with frens, just to train and train. It's all close to an end.

The 501 pumpings which took 3 hours to complete, the red hot tiles near the track where we did push ups on the hottest afternoon in 3 years, the carry on the backs, hundreds to thousands of throws, breaking falls, abrasions, ebis!!, extra trainings, frog jumps, becoming crazy memories to hold on to. Thank you all so much :) for the memories.

Let's do our best.

Ever heard some rhetorical questions which you wanted to answer otherwise? I think that's a thought that flashed through my mind today. Sometimes i just don't really agree with how people think, but then again its just human to have individual thought.

Just your presence is sufficient. I can't explain but i couldn't have survived today without it. It was crazy and weariness is overwhelming. Thank You for always being there in me :)

The pressure is on. Disadvantaged from having so many camps. But i can't help it. Time to do what i can.

I wait on the Lord.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

The next few posts might contain my insights on this verse which has spoken greatly to me before camp.

Love is patient

Love waits, it doesn't hurry or lose control of itself. It faces anger with peace and it calms the heart and shows the frustrated heart, a way out, an answer to peace. It never rushes, it never forces, it simply... loves. When you are offended, the world in you would be the first to swear and scream colourful arrays of bombastic, and maybe not so profound, choicewords. But the Love in you knows better. It faces it with a calm frame, takes it in its stride, gives you peace and lets you know that you can solve the problem. It lets you listen to others and clears up misunderstandings before they turn ugly. This is love. This is patience. Patience is love.

Love is kind

Love goes the distance. It doesn't expect something in return but shows righteousness and goodness in its best form. It is there when you hold a crying boy injured from a fall, when you comfort a fren desperately troubled, when you pray for someone you care for. Love does good. Love touches another through the actions it inspires. Through the way, it exemplifies God.

I shall skip a few lines to one part which kept me wondering and troubled for sometime.

Love... always trusts.

Do i trust enough in all the betrayals? Do i show this love which i preach so much to people around me? Do i have this part of love in me enough? The questions i ask number beyond this. But as i find this answer, I just want to tell you that I'm a flawed person, a sinner redeemed, an imperfection so please forgive me. But i know i will always trust in one who has never failed me.
The one person who has loved me far beyond anything else.

I loved today's caregroup and study session, everything's just so mad. I love the company of these people so much:)

Thank you for the cross.

See you in 3 days

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Love.

Something which can be given by never taken away.
Something which lasts till we turn grey.
Something which shines brighter than the light of day.
Something which was given to pave our way.

Its about giving and never seeking return.
Its about trusting and forgiving.
It perseveres and never fails.
It never says," I can't" but always does its best.

We are loved for who we are. Not about what we do. Not about what we look like. But simply what we are inside.

Because you called us to be who we are :)

Friday, June 15, 2007

First Frontier

Maybe my very last camp with the group but surely, surely a memorable one.

A camp with many firsts.
My first time on stage, performing to a crowd of hundreds.
The first time i shepherded sheep on camp.
The first time i slept less than 4-5 hours each nite.
The first time i was able to meet my shepherd :)
The first time i sat, lived and breathed the same air and listened to the same word of God with such a big group. :)
The first time i was so busy really :X
The first time we threw a person out of the camera screen x.x
The first time the JC district came together :)
The first time the brothers came together and decided:)
The first time wearing suspenders x.x
The first time we wore a CG SHIRT! :)
The first time i saw 30 lives changed, (at least around 30) fired up, sparked into action and totally truly inspired.

3 words. It was beautiful.
Thank you for making it come to pass :)

I felt myself falling to my knees more than once, because i could feel it in my heart, a spirit moving within me and speaking to me.

I saw the importance of my studies more so than ever. In camp. Of all places. But for that moment, i felt the great burden but the great realization. I need to do something. Something has to happen. So i put myself accountable. I needed to. I wanted to. And i needed people and God to hear it. I see the obstacles, but i know i can and want to over come it. I need to change.

Many new friends made in camp from the brand new, exciting district. JC District! Most of them from G.A.P which was a success, thank God, and i think a big thank you goes out to my partner Melvin, because we went through all the dance moves one day before the actual :P and we survived and the hard work during the practices we did :).
Kim, for going through all the complaints and rejections from us singers, and always persevering and helping us as much as possible, really thank God for you although we rejected so many things until you were quite pissed i think haha!
Katarina, who watched out dance moves when we produced them and offering various suggestions :p :).
Daixuan, who always smiles -.- as Melvin points out x.x, for all the help with the harmonising and singing :).
Vonne for giving her suggestions during our rehearsals.
Shawn, for praying for me and trying to calm my nerves continuously before the actual, though he was nervous with the band too haha! P1-P3 classmate! Thanks for being fun to talk to and being a lame, act seh neighbour :P.
Kaiwen, the music pro, who did all sorts of funny things and fixed up the harmony for the girl's song. Seriously his music is- pro.
Jonathan- The other me! The "hi jon" conversations were ultimately lame but thanks for being such a funny and random guy to be with. The youngest of all of us to boot :P.
Yongle, our drummer who is probably one of the people i talk to more. He's really fun and nice to talk to, dunno how else to describe him :P His house name is Polo of all things :P!

The dancers, who put in so much effort!! Maurise, for being hyper and approving and determined to make us dance despite us being quite scared by you at times! A small special shoutout to fongy who has continuously be saying "jiayou" to me at almost every practise and rehearsal. ( yes i notice :P) A big THANK YOU :) And i think that's all the G.A.P crew :)
The only picture i had with part of the crew! The dancers from CA3-4, lilin and spongy :P
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I really had fun with the caregroup! Every single moment. Mangseh, the lame IQ games which made us the last group to leave sports sch, the sharing, the little moments of encouragement, our grace saying, the enthusiasm, the excitement and most of all the prescence. The HC cheers on the third night were crazy and i think Raphael is doing an amazing job with the JCs :) JIAYOU RAPHAEL :). I also realise that we have so many hopes put on us. Because we've shown that we can get this far and i think we want to prove that God's grace does not end here! CG 08 will be a success :). We really need to sustain this desire and fire, keep going, keep believing and keep living out your dreams.

This camp was also an answered prayer. Thank God for my dear sheep, and buddy for responding. I think camp really is the best medicine for a strong foundation. And i think the word has struck him and has brought him far and I really look forward to serving beside you all the way! :)

I really had a good talk with you and i think we're gonna make a difference! :)
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I finally had a talk with my shepherd :) Although i think i wasn't very clear or coherent at that time, (at 4-6Am, i think we were both a bit zonked), but it was a good talk i guess. And looking forward to our next. Thank you very much for your encouragement through out the camp, at rehearsals, and praying for me although you were busy and totally tired out. Like i always say, i'm looking forward to continue walking this spiritual walk with you. Thank you for giving and blessing me with so much :)

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Persevere. Ask. Believe. Desire. The four words which rang the loudest. I'm not a good finisher. That's a wake up call. I ask for the wrong things as well at times, wake up call 2. Where has my heart been for the past 4 months? I've seen and heard. And i remember one word which rang in my heart at encounter exactly one year ago. Impact. How could i forget? Only if i ask will you call. Not my will but yours be done. Call on me and i will respond.
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CG guys. A totally crazy bunch. The talk on the first night was really inspiring for me, because our hearts are in the same place, beating at the same rhythm. This is the care we need, this is the desire we need, this is the dream we need to live. let's go together. And stop veeting each other x.x
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People of DK :) who were at camp. I dunno if your reading this but i wanna let you know that i really appreciate your words and your encouragement. I've really been encouraged by both of you with your desires, with your dreams. I've finally found people to share my dream. The prayer that was said in the roar of the music, do you remember? The things we prayed for and the desperation. I dunno how to put it but thank you. Thank you so very much. Because i really feel that i have people who listened to this long stifled desire. I love you guys. Let's grow together more!
Aunty-ness:)
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Everytime i've prayed to grow or to be challenged, i've never been failed. Although i fear, but i always know that at the end, i won't regret a single moment of it. Never. Every moment i spend, I know its worth my life. I know I'm afraid right now of the challenges that i will face, but i don't want to ever back down because i know someone has got my back :).

I love someone, ask me who. My adaptation of a quote :)
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Like i read on fungg's blog, people who read my blog and wonder why i talk about God so much. Simply because my life goes around Him and i know He's changed it around. I don't know if you've noticed it but i've changed a lot from how i once was. If you wanna know how, you can ask me :)
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J1s, I'll be praying for you guys :).
J2s I'll be praying for you guys too haha :) Maybe slightly differently
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Now after all the random thots and haphazard things i've written, which may have been a pain to read. Pictures! From all over the place. Sorry for koping! x.x
:)

Orange:)

If all the world's a stage...

... we're living for the audience of one


not about the number, but simply because we love all of you.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Somethings are so senseless.

Go into self-denial for just those minutes.

I am given what i can handle.

Because i trust and know.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Where do you want to go?

My series of letters, to some people

Dear ____,
Thank you for your tolerance and patience because and i think you'll need it a lot :) and thank you for loving me for who i am. I don't know who you are but it certainly doesn't stop me from wondering at times. I know I would give you my all and let's trust in His calling because it'll never go wrong! Let's serve together for the audience of One. May you grow strong in Him and hold on through all the tough times and may God bless you. Stay strong :)
---Cale
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To you,
I hope to grow you well because i'm so afraid that after ____ , things will happen. I've been thinking about that for so long truthfully and i really hope that ____ will change you in great ways because the Lord has great plans for you. And that i definitely BELIEVE! Thank you and I'll always be there for you.
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To you,
Thank you for always putting time aside for me, for showing me ways to mature and grow and leading me to green pastures. Its really been a privilege to learn under you and your many analogies have made me see the light many a time. Thank you for your patience and for giving into my life. Thank you for trusting me with that and i hope you will keep mine safe too! HAHA! May God grow you even more and may we grow closer in days to come! :)
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To you,
Thank you for loving me. Thank you for caring. Thank you for seeing me through some tough times. Though your strong-minded, it makes your heart for Him strong as well. :) Remember, "openness breeds openness"? But thank you for always doing your best and being an inspiration. Work hard and you'll be fine :) Then again its natural for you :)
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To you,
Thank you for leading us so well and growing us so very much! Though many times we seem not to listen to you, but we all love you very much! :) Thank you for giving so much knowledge, time and effort into my life. Thank you so much for doing so much for this group and really purely giving in so many different ways! :) Always behind you as you lead us! :) With new responsibilities, I pray that God anoints you and blesses you greatly with His word and unfailing power. May He let you lead with great faith and may He use you greatly!!! :D JIAYOU!
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To you,
Have lots of stuff to say when i remember. Really need to catch up haha :) May you stay happy always :) Have joy in all things, share soon!
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To you, you and you

Thank you for making my life what it is today. Thank you for making me the person i am today. Love you guys :)
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We can do whatever is set out before us, simply because we have to formula to do even the impossible and unexpected.

Its always easy to start high, but when it gets along, it really gets tough but when you know the solution is really always there just whether you wanna persevere and believe in it ;)

Word of the day, Impact.

Easy to say, hard to do. Isn't that always true for words?