Wednesday, January 31, 2007

This is my 200th post on this blog. :)

Although i dun think it will be a super de duperly special post but its ok :)

Just really thank god for my mortal Jesslyn! Haha she's gotta be the coolest mortal ever :) haha i look forward to her replies a lot and it comes on a regular daily basis which keep me and i think her happy as well :) Although she knows who i am now (ok larh i lousy:P), but i really hope she comes this saturday. Haha :D Quite excited :) Go Liping :D

I've been really tired out recently as well. No idea why tho... just been bombed out every night and even YXY is wondering why I'm always tired. Hongwei asked me why i'm tired too. I have no idea... just that my knee cap is starting to hurt again somehow x.x and that there's tons of hw to do. Although i seem to be slacking, i have no idea how my body shuts down so quickly X( i hope this doesn't go on for long.

I dunno why there's this small melancholic feeling lingering around me these few days, though i'm anchored, itty bits of regret chew at me. Nostalgia and a little bit of loneliness. But I'm just glad You were there to make me laugh at what i'm thinking coz You reminded me of the joy i have now :) Thank You for placeing A13 around me, because no matter how bad i feel, I just can't help been so happy around them. They never fail to make me smile :)

Its scary how sliding happens discreetly, and slowly forgetting what was promised to do. Barely catching ourselves when we slip, and forgetting the ways we've walked. But when we turn back, we find ourselves in the greatest place to be.

In You.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Sometimes its weird how I'm reminded of how dumb my thoughts can be. I simply can shrug them off with a smile coz he shows me a way.

Econs test was cool... but i think my answer was quite weird at some parts. Because farmers consume their own food -.- dunno wad i writing larh. But i think the pirated VCD comment on some scripts should be quite hilarious :P on the whole i thought the essay was one essay i EVEr knew what i was writing.

Maths peer tutoring has started. My peer tutor seems alright :) Time to mug hard.

Sometimes when your just disappointed, you remember that someone was disappointed by you too. Why blame anyone for anything wrong in your life? In the end, its always how you look at it which counts. If we take it with Him in our eyes, even in tough times, we'll still be carried through safely and happily.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Today i was walking along the road and i was just looking around me and on the ground, just walking almost mechanically without caring about anything that passed by. Letting my thoughts wonder and thinking about random things. Then i stopped for a moment and looked up. To the Azure blue sky with its puffy, dreamlike white clouds. It was simply beautiful, how the sky was so clean and pure and brightened by the sun. The blue was like velvet, soft and amazing.

It reminded me of God. Isn't that how it is? We walk on everything around us, work, school, focusing on what we're doing, and in the end, we wonder to ourself, " God, where are you?" and we desperately search for a sign. Troubles pile up and everything seems meaningless.

But the answer of all those troubles is so simple. Just stop and look up.

The beauty of His creation shows everywhere, but i guess the sky reminds me the most of it. Beautifully painted, in storms, the dark grey and black clouds are majestic and grim, in sunshine, they're like fluffy cotton candy ready to be eaten. It was made perfect by our creator such that it serves its purpose and gives us water. It was made beautiful and put up for all to see, but how many people ever stop to take a look.

If we stopped to look at God, He'd refresh us.

If only we stopped for just a moment.

Will you stop today?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Life is so fragile.

Lord, thank you for touching us on this day. Touching our hearts through service and so much more. I can 't describe and say it. But the burden moved on for another of our dear friends.

Separation hurts.

But we know that we are Held. Held silently in His hands. When we're down and buried, he slowly pulls us out, and holds us close, whispering his comfort into our ear, washing away our wounds and soothing them with his touch.

This week has been an extremely tough one. Its been a rollercoaster.

God, what you said has come to pass.

I carry on trusting, and now desperately clinging onto You. Because this comfort and surety that you give, is a failsafe guarantee, is the spot which is protected and sheltered from harm, the small corner in which my heart settles down and simply basks and asks without a doubt. God you are our refuge, Please bless him to hold on, in this tough time, remind him he has us and that he has YOU so be there for him.

There is just nothing else.

Beautiful and Joyful to serve.
Comforting and Safe in all troubles.

I trust in You and You alone.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Haha thank God that I have a mortal which has been a great joy to write to lol :)

School's been good and things are slowly getting busier. Relying on God to see me through everyday and everything that is to come.

Challenges as You promised, the hurdles come slamming down in front of me in rapid succession. I see the race that i must run, i give a small sigh but know that You are good and You'll give me that breath to run it through.

God brought me here not to start the race, but to finish it.
HC 75.

Pray my sheeps grow well and strong :)
Never doubt that God is good.
Coz He's way more than that :)

Monday, January 15, 2007

06A13, please pick yourself up soon. I miss you guys.
Everyone get more sleep and rest, rest it off and stay strong.
Let's go through this relying on each other, like we always have and always will.

The tears, the silent parting, the simple goodbye.

A13 won't be the same without her, but life has to go on. We'll see her soon :) Let's all go after A's. :)

16 people rushing down to the airport at 5-6 am to see a dear friend off, a friend we'd all miss terribly.

Its weird how you've never noticed people around much but when they're gone it leaves a huge gap. Like she's always been there, though we never talked much, when she walked through the departure gates, everyone felt like something was gone. You carry a part of us and we carry a part of you, that's what this class is and means i guess. Never has this happened before to me but i think this instance showed how much our class means to each other. It reminded me to cherish all i have now. Its just this one year left...

On the brightside, finally a letter. But still waiting for an angel to write to me x.x

God hold us through in your arms and bring us through all this. Take the drivers seat Daddy and show me your way.

06A13 is the most special class i've ever been in.

I'm proud to be an A13-er.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Today was one of the dullest days ever. It rained all day i stayed at home all day but glad i managed to finish econs.

Farewell was nice last night, we had our laughs and our own words to say our piece for Lyly. Though i think everyone wanted to keep it lighthearted, at the end, i think the feeling of missing her in A13 was unanimous. When GB kept groaning why, i think we heard it in our hearts as well. Even if we weren't close, the bonds as a class united eventually gave us that sense of relunctance. Though we really wanna wish her well and I'm happy for her that she could study aboroad like she wanted to :), but we'll keep missing her and she'll always have a place in 06A13.

I suck at goodbyes.

I can only pray that God bless her with strength and peace and knowledge. May things turn out right for her and everything go smoothly :) And that we'll see her soon.

I also wanna pray that A13 stays strong all the way through years ahead. Hope that time won't dampen our r'ships so much like my previous ones. Because although we all have to say goodbye at the end, it realli is sad when memories just fade and disappear.

I really thank God for placing me here. Showing me this class which has been united and showed me how a class should be like.

Only time will tell.
And the story goes on...

Saturday, January 13, 2007

God reminded me of His tests today.
Shall post on it soon coz i've so much to write but so lil time.

Same for the farewell.
Although I didn't get to know Lyly better which i regret like mad... but I'll miss her as much as everyone does. Somehow its different. Triggered the thought of cherishing what we have only when we've lost it... where would we be in 10 years time? Could we still be the 13 we are now? I love our class's unity... lets not let time rob it from us...

Monday, January 08, 2007

Not about doing but about keeping the relationship. Losing sight of it and strayed to the edge till i was pulled back by You.

06A13 is now a senoir class of 06A10 and 06A13! Haha 49 junoirs and only 25 senoirs, i think its going to be quite a rough ride for STJs :X But its quite amazing to be here with 06A13. I rmbr thinking last year when i wondered what it'd be like for us to introduce our jnrs to HC. Its come to pass perhaps even better than i thought, because 06A13 is going strong and united and they really are the reason i love stepping into school everyday.

Everyday's different and more exciting than that before because of them. Just one precious year left and all of us will have to do what the future holds for us. I just wanna hold onto this one year, this precious time with the best class i've been in and one which has left beautiful memories. I doubt i'll ever forget the smiles they've brought to my life :)

I really pray that our junoir classes will have a good two years because these two years are really the best years for me at least :) This class is gonna last these two v fun and impt years so i hope their classes settle in.

Although the response was a lil... weird, but I guess they dun reallie know each other much as well, much less us.

So just leaving the rest of the week into God's hands :), and it'll be fun getting to know the jnrs and trying to dominate the class bench :D

YAY :D

Saturday, January 06, 2007

The sermon yesterday was great. Currently haven't submitted the sermon notes onto CE2 blog (sorry!:X) Got tons of homework to finish today. In this race with God, I'm not gonna look back. I'm gonna cherish this time left, with frenz, in school, for God and i guess its gonna be a bumpy but exciting ride.

A new sheep, I wanted to pick up a new sheep, lighten the burden for my shep, help this NB along, grow in God and experience so much more. Although after i accepted, i know that in my heart the usual worries came in. But i want to shut them all out and ask you God, come into my life and help me here. I won't be able to do it alone with this schedule, but You will pave my path and You will walk before me :)

The thing that assures me now in the midst of all the hectic A level worries, the busy schedule of piano, family, school... I think it still is His love. Coz He never lets us go, and i never doubt it because I know He holds on to us as much as we cling on to Him if not more. The trembling hands he held steady, the weary feet He gave strength, the broken body He healed, the tears He wiped away, the worries He relieved, in every instance, He showed me, it doesn't matter who you are, what you've done, you are my child, because of that I'll walk with you and never let you go.

Prayer of Jabez. Lord, widen my territory, grow this heart further for you because i'm still but a seed learning. Past victories bring pride, which harden my soil. I don't need the hardening, I want to keep it soft. Past failures bring dejection, I don't wanna be affected by whatever else which brings me down, I just wanna focus.

Spirit of Excellence, every area, my sheep to grow strong, my results to show, my relationships to last. To shine like a City On a Hill, to show His light and love. For this is how it meant to be. Made In His Image.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Be persevering and know that God provides a good end to a path where you have given your 100%.

Have i been doing my 100%? Is this 100%? Or am i leaving something out?

I dun wanna say a prayer to not rock the boat. Rock it harder Lord tho its tough but i'll stand it to the best i can.

Somethings i can only hand up to you. For your ways are higher than my ways, For your words are higher than mine. How could you forget?

Check your motives.
Sometimes we say things which we try to use something or someone else to cover up what we desire. It deceives you and your heart. Sometimes it just shows.

Lord touch our hearts for You...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The peace at home is somehow assuring... Just me alone seems comfortable right now... i just somehow don't know if finding this solace in not having my family home is wrong... but i just feel right now, when i can release stuff inside and I can just feel the quiet settling in.

Don't boast, don't judge. Habits are hard to kick. You just remind me of how you don't judge me for all i've done wrong :)

Sometimes things are harder to do than to say. I know a lot of the time what i say may sound big, and in my little heart i do think to myself, are you sure? I'm not sure but I hope by being able to say it, I'll be able to do it, I'll be able to push myself all the way.

4A's, definitely not easy. But i want to show it. I want to be able to openly declare, that You are in my life, You made this happen in me, and You are good all the time :)

Caregroup was great :), although it was raining, it really refreshed me and reminded me.
Uncertain of the future,
Certain of You :)

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Walking in the rain, feeling every icy cold drop. Cold and wet, exactly how storms were like, not to mention it gives you a vague nostalgic feel. However, as i was running through this storm, i childishly asked God to pls stop the rain. Coz i was tired of feeling wet. Cold and simply tired. But as i slowed my steps and thought of it, a verse flashed through my mind for no particular reason. " Let not my will, but yours be done." Jesus's words. How many times during storms in life, where everything is bleak and there's nothing to be done, has Jesus sheltered me? Sometimes though storms in life might be cold, wet, lonely and made you simply feel tired, remember Jesus who hurt much more on that cross, and all He said was Let God's will be done. Why don't we too? When there's simply no way out, when we're tired and giving up, when we're slowing down, remember " Let not my will but Yours be done." Though it may be tough, let's not take it away and make life simple but grow to rely much more on Him.

How many selfish thoughts, how many human wants. But no one can get everything he wants. Because what's the point of living life then :)

We'll miss lyly tons... just heard the news today and i thought it was sudden and sad. I never thought this would happen but all the best Lyly, may everything go well for her :)

I missed school tons. Today's school reminded me of why exactly i missed it! :D Really love A13. Lit got hope. Gp got hope whooo.

4A's this year. Not for myself. It will happen. Because I want to know You more and show them that You work for the good of those who love you.

Monday, January 01, 2007

The morning after the storm.

The traces that have dried and faded.

The weariness that didn't go away, but left as a trace.

The scar unhealed but soothed by His gentle whisper.

Today, i'm someone different. Someone in a new year. With a new slate given to me. Not because time dictated that new slate. But because He gave me a new slate.

Exhausted by the burden but it was lifted up. Traces of the pain linger but none permanent because of the only reason i live.

I didn't expect the challenge so early in the year but it was as You told me. The challenges in this year are hard, very hard.

My heart is weirdly calm, but cold. Please don't let it stay this way.

There's no one i trust in more now but You.

Because i have no where else to go.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007!

Spent new years countdown the caregroup and it was great yep!

I really loved the company and i'll need it even more in the future...

Lord I'll need you so much in the following year...

Thank You for holding all my tears in your bottle, Thank You for telling me You love me. Thank You for accepting me for all that i am, Thank You for accepting and telling me the things I've done wrong. Thank You for giving me Your family to rely on.

When i shattered in front of them, i almost thot i've had enough and that i've already had it. I've always been not good enough for them, never told what i'd done right, always what i had done wrong. Not trusted. Just someone who has always done it wrong, always not good enough. Just a kid who didn't get a job in the holidays. A freeloader. Someone who has always lead an easy life. I'm not mature enough to be a leader. It's true i'm inadequate, i'm not perfect, i'm not damn good like you think i think i am. I appreciate all that you guys have done for me and all these years you've raised me. I broke because you didn't know how much it hurt me. When i tried to tell u, you just said me breaking down makes me irrational. You said you didn't want to know. It hurt much more than all the beatings that you've ever given me. I rather you hit me. I'm sorry for not being good enough. But one day when i am, i know that God did it for me and that my faith is not what you think it is. This family is not what you think it is. My caregroup is not unwholesome company as you imply it to be. They show me what love is about. God told me what love is about. Jesus gave it to me for eternity. One dat maybe you'll see, I pray and can only cling on. But on this new year's, it hurt for what you said. When only God was there to give me comfort.