Monday, July 31, 2006
July 31st.

Today is a new day.

Tomorrow is shepherding!

People change as things change, something in me died yesterday, as i buried it in the depths of my heart. It died so dat i could have a new start and a new beginning. With God everyday can be a new beginning and i guess it was time. I closed the door for one last time and said a goodbye to a past which i would keep in some dark depths. Perhaps one day i would see it again. But for the moment i shall not.

The going gets rough.

It takes one to tick and two to click.

My life took a huge roundabout and i keep finding myself at a starting line i find so familiar. In this game of life, how many chances are you given?

I heard someone say something today which went something like this.

" If you have a problem solve it, try your very best."
" But what if there is no solution. I've already tried."
" Just try la."
" But i already tried wad."

What if you came to a crossroad where you couldn't choose the correct fork?
If there's no solution to a problem, what would you do?
Doesn't it sound uncannily familiar?
We could always say we can't give up and keep going. But what if you never found an answer?
What would you do?
Would you run?

To be honest i wouldn't know what to do. So many times stuck in a dilemma i just dumbly continued along a path hazily without knowing what i was doing. Stuck in this thick mist.

God has been my greatest salvation. He points me the way to go and shows me the route i should follow. Keeping faith and taking the route that you believe is right.

But sometimes i do take things upon myself... I look at my crossroads and i'm stuck. The paths in front of me seem to vanish as i find myself aimless in the middle of nowhere. I reallie wonder what i should do.

But sometimes although God doesn't give me directions, His word gives me peace. I was so troubled today, wondering to myself about things, about people. I troubled myself as i stared at the math worksheet where the numbers made no sense whatsoever to me. Suddenly i had the urge to do something. I left the bench which was getting congested, picked out my bible and moved somewhere else. The word realli calmed me down. As i finished John, i read how Jesus died for us again... i winced to myself and almost couldn't bear reading on... When he sacrificed this much for us, how could we get caught up in small troubles and lodge ourselves in the way? Although we might get caught up, we could always keep faith and walk on. Calming words also came in John 14:1... it really touched me and made me hold on. I hunger God's word so much nowadays. It reallie is my only sanctuary... especially when the world seems to be on a wavelength away from me...

Recently, having insomnia i think. Been waking up in the middle of the night wondering why i woke up in the first place. It makes me so tired in the morning... and my mood doesn't seem to improve at least until midday. But even then, i feel tired. But in a way, it makes me more sane and calmer to boot which i want to be in a way. My thought processes dun get carried away. Things dun seem to haywire dat way. But i wish it would go away. The headache kills me and the woozyness takes away a lot of my life.

I really want to pray to God to refresh me and bring me strength and knowledge so i can carry on surviving and to also keep following up with my new brothers and sisters in Christ :) We're all really excited for them :).

Everything will be alright... Go jon go...

He is our saviour
and Salvation is here

Saturday, July 29, 2006
July 30th.

Will the hatchet be buried someday?
Will everything be okay?
i really hope so...
Because sometimes it gets so tiring when things don't get along.
The awkward way in which we converse.
It feels so uncomfortable.
I made a prayer to God one day.
"God, I don't know how to make it right, will you show me the way?
Maybe you don't will it to be this way but i really hope that you could make it right for me.
I know that your always listening and always there for me."

I just have to keep doing what i'm supposed to,
To keep doing what is right.
Maybe one day we would get along,
if we had a chance.
God i believe that you will make it right for me.

July 29th. Saturday

New brothers and sisters welcome!!!

Today is the day my oldest buddy became truly my brother :D

I'm so happy that i was able to share my love for God with them and now HCcare is growing!!

Ares night last night was reallie good larh! Yeekai and Jianyang and all the Ares fac comm reallie did a gd job! Thanks for all your efforts and hard work!

I reallie want to thank Jeriel Lam!!! Yeah... yesterday night was the first time in months since we had time for a private chat and it was fruitful and made me understand a lot of things... I'm really really grateful to God for letting me know him. My "go home partner"! He let me understand things aren't always what they seem and things that i couldn't see for myself. He also thought me a lot about what a christian is... so I just look forward to our next talk. I really missed these talks in the time when everyone was busy... But the relief it brought me and the emotions that I poured out realli surprised me >.< Jeriel you rawk :) This post is dedicated to you :)

I've said before... i reallie dislike people who use me.

The hunger is getting really strong sometimes now,
the hunger for Your word.
I praise you in this storm.
Its so amazing how Your love softens the hardest hearts and calms the greatest storms,
how the greatest kings bow down to You,
for You are King of Kings.
I love you LORD!!!
Just because You are You!!
Without you,
I am nothing.
With you, Anything is possible!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Wednesday July 26th.

Exhausted. We spammed seoinages all in one trng... wat da heck x.x Sir mad le. Never did so many in my life.

To "someone": mmm... Human goals are all expectations... if we set goals within our reach it defeats the purpose. But when you fail to reach it when you want it so bad... when it just took a little bit more... things... won't be all dat good...

Watched the tape today... and felt a lot of feelings coming back... A lot of "if only"s i could say but to be honest, its just because i gave in... I gave in to feeling tired again. Just have to work more huh?
Without the seniors life is going to get reallie different x.x Miss them a lot.

All the hist people are like so stressed in class today larh... makes me feel quite guilty. Actually its not dat i dun have anything to do... but i'm procrastinating. Then they work so hard, reallie i think their better grades they reallie deserve it lor... I reallie pray for them to be less stressed!

Geog people! We must jiayou lol!

Sigh... so afraid that Charm can't come on saturday! Debate finals :X I'm reallie praying that God PLEASE let her come!!! Please!!

Anyway... TMR IS CG! Wheee! I just want to say i really love HCCG! All my brothers and sisters... they reallie are my support and i reallie love hanging out with them! Loving God is our passion!!!

To all believers:
I am God's Ripple.
Are You?

To all of you out there!!!!
Will you give God a chance?

If we are the body,
Why aren't the arms reaching?
Why aren't the feet walking?

Touched by God.
Time to spread the love XD

Tuesday, July 25, 2006
July 25th, Tuesday

One of the rare tuesdays without training, and i spent it quite well i guess. :)

After the usual lessons (and horrifying lit lessons with horrifying lit grades), Jeriel, hongwei, Guobin, Peiyu, Olivia, Me, Fuji and kenneth decided to go and have those once in a while kind of basketball games and as usual it worked out our abs more than anywhere else x.x We spent half the time laughing uncontrollably as Guobin screamed and chased everyone holding the ball and Kenneth screamed back at him. After that, Peiyu created the greatest joke of all which caused Guobin to once again do something...uhrm! ( LIZARD!) AHAHHA XD!

After that i crashed Leon's shepherding with Yongsheng and Robert, it was time well spent despite all the weird questions and jokes x.x :P I guess i really learnt a lot. Some stuff really left an impression on me...

Its so amazing what God does... He always loves me, how can you always do dat arh God?? Sometimes i find myself irritating oso la.... How do you always listen to my troubles and still not get frustrated? How do you listen to all my fears and troubles and still quietly be my greatest support ever? How can you keep gifting me with all these blessings even when I don't obey you? Lord... You are the greatest Father... Sometimes i feel so bad... but i'm so glad that i came back to You!!!

On my way home... i was thinking about some stuff and i sorta realised that how can we get enough of the unending stream of the Spirit which God pours down on us? We should NEVER say that we have enough of God because what we have is never enough. Its like there's so much from Him that we need that we need to keep going back, and those who think that they've had enough are those which would need it the most because they are self-satisfied. I can't reallie explain it well but its something like that... its just so immense and undescribable... in its own way.

1 John 4:18 brought up by Leon in his teaching today. If we love someone so much what do we fear... even if they hated you, if you keep loving them, how can they hate you? If we keep loving someone, it would someday reach the person and turn things around right? If we keep having faith. To keep loving, to keep moving...

A lot of people and under pressure or feeling moody coz of results and all. I'm somewhere there. But i think sometimes life doesn't add up. I just have to keep walking. Keep walking the road, keep faith in place, keep thinking happy thoughts.

Keep going.

You can do it.

Thursday, July 20, 2006
July 20th...

A,B,C boys came back with trophies...

But i feel so disappointed... I feel like i let myself and so many people down... If anything went wrong...

Ashamed...

I couldn't control it...

Everyone was happy yet i couldn't make myself feel that way...

I hear all the cheer and praises for the victory but it only made it worse...

The images come back again and again...

3 times in a row...loss..

Now i've got too much to do with no bearing on where i'm going...

Like a ship with no mast, running off course...

I can only hope for Your wind....

Sunday, July 16, 2006
July 16

MY TUTORIALS ARE ALL GONE!

My math and geog tutorials are missing and they are due tmr!!!

NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Salvaging the situation!

God HELP ME!!!!

AHHHHHHHHH!

Saturday, July 15, 2006
July 15th...

Its service day :D

4 days to the finals...

We watched our videos today. Was overconfident la that second bout... then kana thrown koka... damn sian luckily still got ippon :D

There are times where i wonder...
People are offered so many things in the world. They don't notice it sometimes... they push it away while others only can look and long for it...
Everyone faces it... either sometime or the other... maybe you don't notice it but its always there...

Like Olivia posted dat day... We don't always sow what we reap... But i think its okae... because maybe if we just continue sowing, trying again and again and again... maybe someday we'll reap something. If we don't reap anything, its okae too because you won't regret it... regret you didn't even tried to sow... because if you tried, you know you did your best....

God is always there for me. Always watching, always loving...

Don't beat yourself up...
because of traps that you keep falling into,
because of things you fail in,
because of things that you did not do,
because of things that you did wrong,
because of promises you did not mean not to keep,
because God always watches over you.
All we can do is to change,
try hard enough so that we can do whatever we can and do it to the best of our ability.
I don't want to make excuses anymore.
Don't have to mope about problems.
Don't have to wallow in self pity.
Don't have to moan about everything.
Just have faith.
Just believe that God will make everything alright.
Just believe that you can do what you set out to do because we can do it.
Believe that your prayers will reach Him and believe that you have received it,
And you will receive.
Just know that friends will always be around you supporting you.
Just know your family is always there for you.
Just know that someone out there is worried and cares about you.
You are never alone.
Stand straight.
Look forwards.
Breathe calmly.
Step towards the future.
Don't stop.
Just believe.
Just do it.

" Therefore i tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours."
Mark 11:24.

Closets is on 22nd and 29th of July. Next Saturday and the following saturday!!!
At Nexus, Cuppage plaza.
ALL INTERESTED PARTIES CAN COME TO ME OR ANY HOPE PEOPLE TO ENQUIRE :D

HC WILL HIT 22!

Just pray and it will be given.
Don't be sad and smile.
For the world is what you deem it to be.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tomorrow!!!!!

July 12th.

A,C divs are through.

A div was thrilling!!!!! a narrow 3-2 win over RJ! But then it'll be a smoother ride on to the finals!

One more day...

B divs tmr! Its our big day for the rest of the A team... time to smash our way into the finals and get our Gold back!

Thank God FOR SO MANY BLESSINGS TODAY! So much desperation, you listened and gave. I love YOU!!!

Ahaha!

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006
July 11th.

1 day for A boys. 2 days for B.

First Round RJ for A.

Stress.

IN God's word i find my Solace.

NO time to post. My dad is reallie reallie.... ARGH....

But its okay...

Patience.

Everything will be Alright.

Because You are there for Me!

Sunday, July 09, 2006
July 9th!

3 days left....

An oasis in the middle of a huge desert....
Rainclouds rain down on this city....
Plants grow lush and green...
However, everywhere else is desolate...
then a HUGE wind blows...
and spreads the clouds around...
the rain falls on the desert...
And it turns into...
Paradise...

It was the picture i saw yesterday during Central prayer meet.... it was beautiful... The wind are our efforts and the rain is God's spirit. We are that Oasis, can we create paradise?!

HC GOAL IS 22!!!! Everyone let's step on it! haha try and try our plans to sow our seeds and change lives!! :D:D JIAYOU EVERYONE!!!

We ended service early yesterday after Pastor Jeff shocked everyone with the abrupt ending. But it was a service to remember....

The pressure builds with every single day... 3 more days...

Sunday was as usual dull.... looking forward to next saturday...

What if a dream came to you so real that you almost believed in it?
What if you slapped yourself twice only to find yourself still trapped in it?
What if this was all a dream?
Which is the dream and which is not?
What if you had something u didn't want to let go of?
What if...

So many questions, too little answers...
Sometimes these dreams scare me...
And they stay in my memory...
Leaving me to fight my own devils...

I can only turn to You...
And in your embrace, i am enfolded in warmth and light...
In your rain i bask,
for it is Glory to the Highest....

Friday, July 07, 2006
July the seventh

Everything is so heavy.

Today when i went to training and Hin wrote 5 on the board in our huge sign. I realised something was really wrong with me. I realised the proximity of Nationals looming up ahead. It really made me so very guilty and angry for falling sick on wednesday.... I was so nervous during training today... because i worried whether i could do it, whether i would let my team down, whether i would let myself down. I know Carl felt the heat too... Every year at this period of time, the entire club is reallie tense because of just one competition. I'm exactly good like all my teammates are, all i do is to try my best and give it my best shot. I'm longing for that GOLD MEDAL... I've longed for it so bad.... For all our years, we haven't touched it and i reallie WANT it.... Its not JUST a medal... its the meaning behind the medal. To be known and say that HC are the champs. Every year we say and shout that we work for it and we want it so bad. I guess its time to do it. One more CHANCE.

Twice denied. One more chance we are given.

All the sacrifices... just for one more chance.

I don't want tears to come again...

Tomorrow is a service day.
One more training. To push myself before the 12th.

5 Days Left... exactly 122 hours more...

Monday, July 03, 2006
July 3rd :D

"At my first defense no one stood with me, but all forsook me. May it not be charged against them" (2 Timothy 4:16)

In times of great need, all forsook Paul even his fellow christians stood against him. But he only said... " May it not be charged against them...". He who went against Him, after which one of the most faithful believers. His grace is so great... great enough to move people. Yet imagine the Lord's is far, far, far, far times 10 to the power of infinity MORE graceful than Paul! The more of i think of it, I'm just amazed at His greatness :)

I realised today that we love people for their weaknesses as well.... not only for their strengths...
Friends who love you for your weaknesses are true friends, for they love all of you.
Friends who love you for your strengths, may be friends but they might just be using you, right?
Just a thought...

" I'll take you back always, Even when your body is on the ground, I'll take you back always, Even when the pain is coming through , I'll take you back..."

I would really dislike people who only makes use of others for their own gain.
I would reallie dislike to be used. ( Hate is close but its not reallie nice to hate x.x)

One day i would laugh at the battle for acceptance. Actually, i think i'm smiling at that thought now (ahha!!) :P.

Went for Lit discussion with Jeriel, Gb, Fungg, Tracee and Yvonne today! Was rather fruitful, considering that i wasn't planning to study for lit (oops!) :P:P but after talking to thru it seemed rather impt to at least study the text :D It was so enjoyable to have their company! :D

The insights were rather interesting for the text, there were funny things along the way (" This looks like xiang4 qing1"... " EEE!" Funny responses of the day:P) and of course, GB making me type in my member pass for Mac's 4 TIMES!!! You be careful! :P. Btw Duchess of Malfi is a sick text.

Thanks Xiang for your biscuit!!!

Island creamery Mudpie rox!!!!

Last EXAM TMR!!!

WISH ME LUCK!!

Saturday, July 01, 2006
July 2nd.

You are the faith,
the truth and the light.
We live by faith and not by sight of You.

I realised things that we do everyday are such valuable experiences.... And how things i've done and am still doing will let me look back one day and laugh at myself for how foolish i am. How i wanted such material things... how we talked about big things... money, clothes, cars... everything. But it doesn't matter if we laugh at the foolishness because in the end it makes all the happy and sad memories which make us human and makes us, us. The important thing is never regret what you do! To do everything that you can and not making "what if-s..." and " If only's" but doing only what makes you truly happy.

One choice i made that i will never regret is knowing YOU!
And i realised that if we needed to describe how great God is... we would never be able to. For there is no one word who can encompass his love nor his greatness for us... little humans who sin despite Him forgiving us again and again.

I love You :)

Went out with my parents for lunch then shopped a bit with my Mom!! Haha its been surprisingly long since i've done that. Walked around and got new clothes wheee.... :) But i couldn't get this reallie ownage billabong shirt i wanted :'( coz it was super ex... time to save up!

Ahaha lookie at this:
Ahaha!!! So nice!!! I love it.

By the way, My latest addiction is:
Going to church :)

" Shall we go Nexus and study?"
" But it costs 100 bucks to book the place leh."
" Nvm la just ZAM!"
" You SIAO arh?!"

Quoted from sometime ago in a convo in KAP :P