Thursday, February 17, 2005
New Life

Experiences~~: Somehow nowadays, I learn that Happiness is something you have to make with your own feelings. Joy spreads like a current, If your happy so is someone else. I'm trying hardi n school now and i dun wanna fall behind, so badly.... I just wanna do my best and not regret. My head spins a lot and i dun feel reallie well today, the heat is getting to me, not to mention the stress on my mind the past few days. Test after test, homework after homework, I don't even look forward to coming home.... I wish... I wish that i had someone i could get along with to understand me and to get out of the house more often.... yeah

Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Birthday = scolding = i'm an idiot = what fun....

Horrible 16th birthday.... One not to be remembered....
Mood: :extremely depressed :'(! Sad:( Angry :@

Experiences~~: Haven't blogged for two days now.... And now I'm blogging for Valentine's day. Which happens to be my 16th birthday.... Which happens to be the worst birthday in 16 years of my life. A day at school couldn't start any worse... After taking photos with my dad's digital camera of the guys from the lit class, I didn't notice the cap was missing. oh the fun don't you think? In the Afternoon, i strolled aimlessly in Bishan and Toa payoh, trying to get myself something for a new year ahead. Zui was there and he was nice enuff to treat me to lunch :P Thanks a lot buddy. Well after that it was lonely, wandering through the streets, but i didn't mind after all I'm sorta used to it lol...
So evening came and i was weary and tired, so i returned to my grandma's at TP, hoping that at night at least there would be something to smile about. But of course, i didn't get what i expected. Once my dad and mom entered the door of my grannys, my dad immediately checked his Digi- cam, guess what? He immediately asked for the cap which i searched frantically up down left and right for it.... Of course i couldn't find it, so while i was trying to find it, he started going on about his, " Ahh forget it, he's always like dat, Always losing my stuff when i warned him this morning. He always so messy, can't find his stuff at home, always makes things gets lost." Blah blah blah, in that accusing tone. I checked with everyone whose class i went to and couldn't find any clues so of course i apologised and said I'd try to find it tmr. But it of course didn't stop there. My dad went at it again. " You won't borrow my stuff ever again un til you find that cap! Don't even think abt borrowing anything!"
As if I wouldn't find it for him. He had duty the next day so he and my mum went back to pack some stuff for me and my bro...

I admit it was my fault because I'm always such a klutz at whatever i do... I tried so hard to take care of it and i remember putting the cap in the case but it just didn't stay there. But it had to come to this didn't it? You guys might think that its a little childish for me to get all upset about all this but hello? wake up call? what day is it? i don't think anyone remembers. No one tries to talk to me or nething, everyone at my granny's was like, " It your fault wad." Of all people, i thought my parents would be the ones most likely to wish me at least a happy birthday. I always respected them and i don't wanna disappoint them at all. But of course not. No you just dish out a scolding like that. I didn't get anything from them, nothing at all.... No cakes, no pressies, no wishes.... just a scolding after a day at school. Plus i have a test the next day, do they care? I can't bring myself to think so.

I stormed out with my notes and stuff, I wanted to get away and maybe do some studying. but i just couldn't keep those tears from falling could i? I thought they'd at least noticed what day it was... at least not start the evening off by giving me grumbles of disappointment. I cried.... its been a long time since i did that... i didn't cry out or anything but i just couldn't stop my tears...

I snapped at Eugene over sms's that night... I was so sorry about it coz he gave me the only present i had this year. A blue carabina. We wrapped V day pressies for some pple at 10pm. Thanks to him, i felt a little better when i left. At least i could smile a little... again.

Today: It wasn't much better this morning. I passed her a pressie today and way, man. NY has some weird pple. I've had all sorts of people sms'ing me. Her frenz mainly. It sorta annoyed me. Does giving someone something mean I'm hitting on her? Whatever it is ok, she has a bf keep off me now..... I dunno man, screwed up my physics test as well. i dunno what else can go wrong. I Dread seeing my dad again.... i'll just buy him a new camera with my new year's cash to keep it quits. I don't wanna owe him anything. I can't help it but I'm angry with him....

Thoughts** : I dunno. Sorry to all the pple I've snapped at this few days. its been sorta gruelling. I've got tests littered all over and I can't help thinking my parents think my birthday is a small matter Compared to a camera cap. My life isn't worth much more than that huh? I guess.... thanks to Eugene, Charm and YXY as well to all the pple to gave me a B day greeting. Daniel, Longkuan, Trixie, Kai Han.... yeah i guess that's about all... Got a lit test tmr on Macbeth... I'm screwed....

Feelings: Feeling stressed.... tired....depressed... confused....I don't know. Its been weird days.... Can't help feeling that lady Luck doesn't reallie lyk me right now. I hope she comes back soon. My heart breaks... My mind laments and I am alone.

Sunday, February 13, 2005
Late NIghts

Mood: Neutral happier side:P(^.^) bored (-_-)

Experiences: Not much to share today. Just at home again. Woke up at like 10 plus coz i slept at like 4 the previous nite :P for the consecutive nights running, I've slept at 3-4 am which makes me lethargic in the morning. It feels weird to me coz the day after or tmr(considering de time) we'll be back in school. been lvling Ragnarok like crazy and i haven't done much of my hw "^^. Psiblade Ro is fun what can i do :P especially coz of my new guild Millenium Mirage. They Pwn man! New guild but a super hao3 ren2 guild leader and damn nice guild mates. Puizui is also inside lol as rogue. been noticing that Alicia(charm you know who) doesn't say much on msn sounds like someone i know... Anyway one of the worst days of my life, wasting my life away in front of the comp:P But still have to finish hw tmr and get back to sch on Mon. Training on tuesday! kaihan wasn't home so we couldn't go and bai nian haiz.... hope we can tmr.

Thoughts: Been thinking about how to help around the household:P *irons T* Just contemplating stuff to myself and wondering how nice it was if I lived in Europe. Heard a bit from TiaraFox( or Tia more commonly known) abt life in Germany. they don't like cold there and would rather have warm days the whole year. While we asians hope to have some cold days in the year. Strange isn't it?:P Man are weird creatures.

Highlights: Well Finally got a Crusader on Psiblade, got grand Cross lvl 1 which suxed coz it was lvl 1 bleahx. But Crus rox and i am now the only Man On a Peco in the guild :P! Holy Peco! Bleach 18 is out and it rox, Ichigo goes through the Shinigami recovery test thingy. Gonna turn into a Hollow. Sounds fun ^^. naruto new chapter and Bleach New chapters are out in English and way the excitement! Gaara = Kaze-kage-sama! Neji is Jounin! Neji pwnz. Naruto's still a Genin lamer and Sakura's Chuunin. Shikamaru and Temari sure look like a pair to me :P. Ichigo's new sword is sick whacko totally. Didn't see many people today online which makes me rather sad... but still hope tmr will be a good Day.

P.S its late oughta go. 3 am!:P

Friday, February 11, 2005
February 11th, another boring day:P

Mood: ^^(happy) -_-(bored)

Experiences**: Nothing really special about today, just spent it by myself most of the day. Our school have an extra day of holiday( Sorry for all those who didn't have-_^ I empathise :)) but it was dull rather. Walking downstairs was like walking through a ghost town, hardly any shops were open and i thought it was supposed to be bustling with cars jamming up the roads. But nope all was quiet, scary even as though everyone else had all gone somewhere. Wanted to drop by Anime House today at Sunshine Plaza but it was closed till tuesday i found out. At least now i know vaguely where it is!( Thanks Clara^^).

Thoughts~~: Alone I think about stuff and about yesterday's Gene incident, i've decided that for the moment i'm washing my hands off it. Hee, i have to thank charm and favian for their help this morning at 3 am :P at trying to find ummm... methods for hitching...ummm i rather not say :$:P. But it was amusing and thanks for helping. I've always wanted company occasionally but i never really had much luck in getting one most of the time^^ its alright tho I'm sorta used to it alone... But i thought company last night/this morn really brightened up my day. Thanks again charm. I feel that i've been spending too much time in front of my comp and i think I'll take a break from it soon. Its time i learnt how to do some other chores around the house or spend more time on my piano... spend some time with my brother and my friends. Eugene may be right... I am sorta stuck on my comp. Time to grow up:)

Highlights: Comfirmed some more parts of my very own piano piece:P I wouldn't call it dat but i just played it off hand on my piano. It sounds great!!!!! I love it... maybe I'll put it on paper soon. Xenosaga was a pretty good show on eps 5 and Prince of Tennis was entertaining. Sengoku gets a new style of tennis :P My money bank Just got a little fuller and my mind just started wondering off again. Caught up with Sis after a long time and Valcks too, can't say how much I've missed them. Oh yeah, anyone who drops by the blog may wanna drop a tag at my tagboard:P My other profiles and stuff are up so you can go read if you want :P. nothing is compulsory:P:P

End of Day Quirks: Adapted from my cousing from the movie constantine. " I am Constantine. John Constantine. Asshole."

Thursday, February 10, 2005
Chinese New year Day 2....

Thots ~~: Saw that girl on the 6.24 bus again today at Junction 8, talk about coincidence huh? On new year's too... i'm sorta amazed really and sorta questioning what fate really is. i'm getting tired of this E-Yan thing to tell the truth... very tired... He's jumping on everything i say although he asked a very... controversial question. Alright i admit maybe i reacted by instinct but still I just told him what i would do, its just me... Blame me for being a traitor? Being someone who shoots you down for something you did? I don't think so man, live with it. He's my best friend too and i treated him like one... once we had those times but now, somehow i get this feeling I'm missing something. When you confide in a person, do you do it becoz you need to or you want to? When you answer a question and he concludes that you're hinting something else, is it my fault?

Experiences**: I saw the girl this time in a blue dress instead of her uni and i thought she was pretty cute, yeah although she looks above average but man i think she chio. Everytime i see her my heart skips a beat and i can't believe i saw her today... Tan, medium built on height and sorta shy kinda person, that's how she looks like. Fate's playing a game with me i swear somehow making me really wonder. Food for thought eh :P I don't have the confidence to approach her by the way, yeah that's sorta how i am. I don't look very good either so it doesn't help.... Haha....

Highlights: Seoul Raiders and Constantine. Two of the best movies of all time. Angels and Demons. Police and thieves. I'm so gonna watch Constantine again! missed the end of credits scene. Chinese new years is super boring despite the holiday... I've still gotta study for those tests next week and lost quite a bit of money at the gambie table. Dun have much to do when my parents went to M'sia for today so i hung out with my cousins. Yuppz. So anyway that's all for today. Last thing Gundam Seed rox big time go check it out. All fans can add me @ Angels.Blade@gmail.com. ( My profile isn't up yet :P)