Monday, July 31, 2006
July 31st.

Today is a new day.

Tomorrow is shepherding!

People change as things change, something in me died yesterday, as i buried it in the depths of my heart. It died so dat i could have a new start and a new beginning. With God everyday can be a new beginning and i guess it was time. I closed the door for one last time and said a goodbye to a past which i would keep in some dark depths. Perhaps one day i would see it again. But for the moment i shall not.

The going gets rough.

It takes one to tick and two to click.

My life took a huge roundabout and i keep finding myself at a starting line i find so familiar. In this game of life, how many chances are you given?

I heard someone say something today which went something like this.

" If you have a problem solve it, try your very best."
" But what if there is no solution. I've already tried."
" Just try la."
" But i already tried wad."

What if you came to a crossroad where you couldn't choose the correct fork?
If there's no solution to a problem, what would you do?
Doesn't it sound uncannily familiar?
We could always say we can't give up and keep going. But what if you never found an answer?
What would you do?
Would you run?

To be honest i wouldn't know what to do. So many times stuck in a dilemma i just dumbly continued along a path hazily without knowing what i was doing. Stuck in this thick mist.

God has been my greatest salvation. He points me the way to go and shows me the route i should follow. Keeping faith and taking the route that you believe is right.

But sometimes i do take things upon myself... I look at my crossroads and i'm stuck. The paths in front of me seem to vanish as i find myself aimless in the middle of nowhere. I reallie wonder what i should do.

But sometimes although God doesn't give me directions, His word gives me peace. I was so troubled today, wondering to myself about things, about people. I troubled myself as i stared at the math worksheet where the numbers made no sense whatsoever to me. Suddenly i had the urge to do something. I left the bench which was getting congested, picked out my bible and moved somewhere else. The word realli calmed me down. As i finished John, i read how Jesus died for us again... i winced to myself and almost couldn't bear reading on... When he sacrificed this much for us, how could we get caught up in small troubles and lodge ourselves in the way? Although we might get caught up, we could always keep faith and walk on. Calming words also came in John 14:1... it really touched me and made me hold on. I hunger God's word so much nowadays. It reallie is my only sanctuary... especially when the world seems to be on a wavelength away from me...

Recently, having insomnia i think. Been waking up in the middle of the night wondering why i woke up in the first place. It makes me so tired in the morning... and my mood doesn't seem to improve at least until midday. But even then, i feel tired. But in a way, it makes me more sane and calmer to boot which i want to be in a way. My thought processes dun get carried away. Things dun seem to haywire dat way. But i wish it would go away. The headache kills me and the woozyness takes away a lot of my life.

I really want to pray to God to refresh me and bring me strength and knowledge so i can carry on surviving and to also keep following up with my new brothers and sisters in Christ :) We're all really excited for them :).

Everything will be alright... Go jon go...

He is our saviour
and Salvation is here