Friday, June 02, 2006
Finally home... Is something wrong?

Returned. Battered. Bruised. Bleeding. But Alive.

Home. A single word. Having somewhere to return to.

Camp. Wasn't as bad as expected. Was one of the slacker camps. Doesn't mean it wasn't as tough or gruelling as any of those past. Blood and tears. I hope it made a difference that it'll be all worthwhile. Blood and tears, literally.

The dread i felt for camp naturally played on thru before camp and during camp. I feel that this is truly some of the times where my faith to Him, my will and my limits are tested, pushed and stretched to the limits.

Last 4 camps. All the senoirs feel it, i guess. We grumble about the pain, the time wasted, the cold at night, but i think everyone feels the closeness of the suffering we go through. At the end of the day when you hear people gritting their teeth in the shower, everyone showing abrasions scratches and bruises, it's not really of complaint but just to share how things are so similar for all of us.

I'm so proud of my batch!

We might not have been the best, or been champions YET but we've stuck through it. I remember how many people gave up on the way. From a batch of more than 20 people, down to just the 6 of us. So many times, we just moaned about training, said how much we wanted to quit but the thing was we still stuck, endured every training, every camp, every drop of sweat, every drop of blood, every injury. Dreading training but feeling guilty when we miss one, its so oxymoronic but true. Playing so many games of DOTA, Winning games against our junoirs at fun & games this camp despite being outnumbered, teamwork and trust. Heh, To me. We are always champions :D We will fight till the end... never give up :)
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Service tomorrow! After missing so many CGs plus last week's service, I really need this time to speak to Him once again... to make a lot of things right again, to repent, reflect and refresh... God, I Need You.

My life's been going around in circles. Not exactly comfortable. Suddenly, things aren't so clear anymore. Thing's that i had answers to suddenly just evade my thoughts totally. When i think back reflect on what i've done, i don't know if i did it right or wrong. I am a worrywart, so i think i worry then i solve. But this time, i just feel confused. Sometimes the line is so thin between right and wrong. Somethings just don't have what's right or wrong. How can you be yourself when others tell you to change? How do you be yourself when you find yourself becoming more and more isolated?

Time and Tide wait for no man.

As your life moves on a different course, other people's lives move on. Their connections grow stronger like a raft formed, while you drift like a piece of driftwood out at sea. No one waits because you can't catch up. New bonds cut away frayed ones without mercy. Sometimes no one thinks or cares about what you do. Sometimes they care too much that they read too much into it. Such are the ways of humans. When you find someone you can truly trust, hang on tightly and don't let go. Cherish and be loyal. Be open, frank and friendly to those around you, this way you can be someone else's Angel in Disguise.

Words are powerful things. Once given, never taken back. Do you know how many times you have hurt someone unconciously? I don't know how many times i have. But i must try to keep count and know that i must do something about it. It sounds to empty and hypocritical for it is an ideal. But striving for a goal and an ideal is the only way we can improve right? Ideas never die.... -V

Who knows what the future holds?

I wonder.
I hope,
I care.
And i really hope you will understand.

Thank you Lord for blessing me with everything and for giving me your love. Praise be to You, Lord.

Our Father In Heaven,
Hallowed be your name...
-Matthew 6:9