Saturday, April 07, 2007

Easter Service

No one can replace it for me... this irreplicable feeling, this irregular familiarity but strange calm and joy. Exactly why i made the decision, i can't really remember but i know the moment that "yes" came out, regret has never touched me for one second. I couldn't help but to tear when Pastor Shirley sang "Why", imagining myself in the place of the little girl, like all of us are... and just wondering, why, why, why... why did You have to die? We know its for the better good, but I cannot help but love His quiet strength, His patient drive and His amazing compassion. Why did people have to mock Him? Why did people have to strip Him of everything? Simply because He needed to know. What being us felt like. When i think of Him taking pain that we've taken to the extreme, I can't help but feel touched yet sorrowful yet proud, because i can say my Father is like that and He didn't just say or tell everyone to be good, but He showed people how to be good and died for it.

Life is never easy. Some people take it as that and give up. Others go on and want to conquer it taking satisfaction in being tough, but finding just more ambition at the end of the road. We stumble all the time, wanting this and that, never really satisfied. But what happens when you find a path which may be a little bit smoother, yet a lil bit tougher. Oxymoronic it may sound yet uncannily true. Because when we have some help, obstacles become smoother. After each obstacle, the next seems less challenging than it might have been before. If you were given this path, could you trust and walk it, rather than stumbling along the thorny path which would hurt all the way. I'd just drive on the smoother road, and face the obstacles as they come because i know that nothing is too difficult. Even when i worry and pine, in my heart, i know I'll be able to get over it. I will.

Steamboat and Zhenfa was quite erm... weird. The food made me feel queasy hahaa! The highlight was definitely the arcade which CE2 was laughing and crazily screaming while playing around. They always make me feel at ease when I'm with them. No need for putting up any front, just always simply be yourself. Quoting JX, "laugh until stomach pain", I think my abs are coming out larh :) I love CE2 and I love the person who brought them to me :) Thanks for being in my life... wouldn't know what i'd have done without you guys :)

Searching my heart for that insecurity and that worrying streak of lack of self control. Never want to hurt anyone with it and never meant to. I'm sorry if i have but I'm not perfect but i'm still a work-in-progress :)

I dunno if you'll ever read this my grass-eating, fluffy, white sheep haha! But thank you for being there and i loved that talk we had the other day at pastamania. I think it cleared up a lot and I'm really proud and happy to see you walking forward strongly :) Thanks for always being someone i could count on and someone who was and will be there :)

As i see another tough phase of my life coming up, I can't help but wonder what lies in store. Already i feel my hold slipping away, but i am sustained. I know i can hang on. In my weakness, I'm am strong in You. I may not know how to solve the problems yet, but no matter what i WILL pull through. Just to trust in that plan.

No one knows me like YOU do.
No matter who leaves my side, i know you will never do so.
I will never want to leave yours as well :)